Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
