Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
