who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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