I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
