Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
