last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
