Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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