you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
