The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
