Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
