as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
