somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
