Are we in a gay sports bar?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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