areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
