it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
