I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My day in three words: secret purse cake
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
