Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
