She's JV to your varsity
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
