I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
