I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
