Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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