everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
