i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
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