and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
