nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
