We're facebook friends in real life
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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