i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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