ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
