his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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