Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
