Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
