We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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