I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
