My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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