finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
