I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
