Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize