You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
