I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
