I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
