And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i would one night stand the shit outta him
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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