dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
