so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
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