I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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