Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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