I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
