My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
