Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
