winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
