woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
