my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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