I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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