And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
