Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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