theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
