I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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