nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize