are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Randomize
