Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
