I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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