I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
