I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
