And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
