My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
