I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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