I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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