I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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