all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
