a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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