okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
These tits shall not be calmed
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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