it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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