my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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